That’s Not Fair!

By Julie Wilson

Editor's Note: To go alongside Katharine's "World of No" post from Tuesday, here's Julie's take on telling teens no.

If you are a parent, more than likely you have heard your child say to you, “That’s not fair!” If you have not heard those words, I can almost guarantee at some point that you will. I recently heard them from my teenage daughter. She wanted to stay after school for an event, but we did not give her permission to do so, and so she uttered those words out of frustration.

To a teenager, not getting permission to do what he or she wants can seem like the end of the world. Believe me, I remember! But as a parent of a teenager, I now understand how critical it is to have those boundaries in place. When my daughter complained about it not being fair, she really was just upset that she was not getting her way. Is life fair? No, of course not. What would life be like for our children if they always got what they wanted? I don’t want to find that out.

Our children may not always understand or agree with our decisions as parents, but it is our duty to raise them in a way that is most honoring to God. If that means telling them no sometimes, then don’t be afraid of their complaints. My daughter may not have been happy about the fact that we did not grant her permission to do what she wanted, but she trusts and loves us, and knows we are only thinking of what is in her best interest.

Children need limits. It is up to us as their parents to have clearly defined limits, so that children know what is expected of them. Regardless of the ages of your children, do not be afraid to tell them no. You may get a response like I did---“That’s not fair”---but you are teaching them a valuable lesson. You will be helping to shape him or her into an unselfish, respectful child of God. So keep saying, “No!”