How To Turn A Long Distance Car Trip Into An Adventure

By Katharine Grubb

We were all wearing masks and mustaches to keep our identities a secret. My oldest son tracked the speed of our minivan as we cruised down the Interstate. My older daughters read signs looking for “code words” on billboards. My youngest son made checklist of sports cars that he saw, believing they could be “the bad guy”. And my youngest daughter drew a picture, of a princess most likely, but that princess was on a mission to uncover the secret plot. We were the Mustachioed Seven and we were a group of super heroes on a mission, not only to drive cross-country from Massachusetts to Oklahoma, but also to stop our archenemies from taking over the world.

It was not, as one might think, an ordinary packed mini-van on a 3-day road trip. It was, in fact, an adventure. And it was worth the extra planning to make it memorable for my family.

I admit. I had enough to do preparing for the trip: all the laundry, packing, cleaning the house, buying snacks, preparing the car, booking hotel rooms, and tending to the other million little details. But I found that the time I invested in planning the fun, the more excited the kids became, and the more memories that we made.

You can make your cross-country trip exciting too. All you need is a little advance planning and enthusiasm, and your children (especially those four years old and older) will look forward to being stuck in the car for hours. Or days.


Getting Started

Consider a theme for the trip. You aren’t just a family packed into a mini-van; you are a big boatload of pirates. Or you’re going on a jungle safari. Or you’re riding a magic carpet. From your choice of theme, pack hats, bandanas, masks, toilet-paper tube binoculars, and eye patches. Then as you collect activities to do in the car, stick to the theme. None of these have to be expensive; in fact most of ours were handmade.

Assign vacation names. During our Angry Birds road trip, we all had bird related names. Mine was Duchess Chachalaca and I took great delight when my children addressed me as such at rest stops. We also made nametags and wore them everywhere. The names have become such an integral part of our vacations that once we put it on the calendar, what will your name be this year?, is our next question.


Collect Media

Have a DVD player in your car? That’s great, use it! But remember that passively watching a movie doesn’t really promote family togetherness or encourage people to enjoy the scenery or stimulate creativity. Watch DVDs sparingly, when your family is the most tired or cranky.

Check out books on CD from your local library: Elementary age kids would enjoy The Magic Tree House series, Little House in the Big Woods, Stuart Little, A Cricket In Times Square. Older kids would like Fairy Tale Detectives, Sarah Plain and Tall, Holes or The Chronicles of Narnia. Ask your librarian for books that may fit your theme. Audiobooks take up hours and are more mentally engaging than a movie.

And don’t forget the music! Check out what CDs your library has to offer. You may find the perfect soundtrack for your adventure or an obscure musician that you really love.

Do you have an iPod jack in your car? Download podcasts that everyone can enjoy. No iPod? Burn a CD of your favorite songs. (We like to stick to the theme. During the Angry Birds drive, all our songs were either about traveling or birds. It was awesome!)


Plan to Keep Hands Busy

Moms everywhere know that busy hands are less likely to get into trouble. So on our road trips, each kid gets a customized binder (with their vacation name on it, of course) filled with printed coloring pages, mazes, crossword puzzles, etc. If you can, print out two work pages per hour you’re in the car (and don’t forget the trip home). Three-hole punch the bottom of a gallon size Ziploc bag and put the bag in the binder. The bag had hold pencils and crayons. The binder is kept in the children’s carry-on bag with other activity books and personal items.


Promote Communication and Play

You’re trapped in a car with your family -- take advantage of it! Plan to play together.

-Play old car trip standards: The ABC game, Slug Bug (which should be modified to TouchBug, of course), license plates list, etc.

-Tell stories. Someone starts a story (possibly related to your theme) (“Once upon a time, there were five pirates who were sailing across the ocean in search of an island that held their treasure. When suddenly a big whale overturned their ship! Then . . .” ) Allow each family member to add something to the story.

-Ask questions of each other that get people talking like:

• Who do you really admire?
• What three foods could you not live without?
• What do you think is creepy?
• What are the three happiest moments in your life so far?
• If you had a million dollars what would you do?
• What animated character do you most identify with? Why?
• Would you rather not have summer or not have winter?

Do an Internet search for more questions and take them with you. Not only are you finding out more about your family, you’re also killing a lot of time!

-Estimate: Ask each member of the family to guess these things:

• How long will it take to cross the next state line?
• How much money will it cost us to fill up with gas?
• How many cows will we see in the next fifteen minutes?
• How many McDonalds will we see in this state?

Record everyone’s estimation. The one who is the closest to being correct gets a treat. The “loser” has to sing “Happy Birthday” as loud as he can at the next rest stop.

-Play Mad Libs (plenty of printables online!)

Just because your body can’t move, doesn’t mean your mind can’t be active. Talking and playing together will make the drive go by faster.


Encourage Down Time

This is when you can get back to individual computer games or iPods, Daddy can have a little peace, and Mom can get some shut-eye. After a rousing game of Slug Bug, everyone will need a little breather. You can’t get out of the car, so it’s okay to check out mentally for a while as long as you come back later to enjoy the rest of the adventure.

So, as you prepare the car (don’t forget hand sanitizer and extra toilet paper), put a little thought into making your trip adventurous. You’ll be happy with the memories that you make and your whole family will have a great time.

Summer Ideas - Part 4

By Katharine Grubb

Counting pennies this summer?  Or are you looking for things to do in between day camp and the week at the beach?  Here’s a lengthy list of activites for you and your preschooler. All require little preparation and little expense and are just right for ages 3 and up.  

1. Which friends on Facebook live out of state or out of the country? Ask them to send you a photo, then find where all of them live on a map or globe. 
2. Create a summer playlist from your music collection. Pick up to 15 songs that your child isn’t familiar with and then play the “soundtrack” all summer. 
3. July 29th is Rain Day. Take a walk in the rain. If it isn’t raining, learn the Singing In The Rain song. 
4. Build a tower with uncooked spaghetti and marshmallows. 
5. Put on a puppet show for family and friends. 
6. Blindfold your child, then have them smell household items like soap, oranges, garlic or vinegar. What can he guess right? 
7. Go to Storybird.com and write a story using provided illustrations. Publish it for your friends. 
8. June is Country Cooking Month, so make fried chicken or biscuits and gravy for supper. 
9. June 1 is National Go Barefoot Day. Have a barefoot race around the house. Paint with your feet on the driveway. Splash in mud puddles. (Then come in the house, wash up and get a pedicure!) 
10. August 6-12 is Exercise With Your Child Week. Put on that Wiggles DVD or hook up the Just Dance Game and work up a sweat with your little one. (If it’s a nice day, go run around a track together!) 
11. June 4 is Do-Dah Day, A Salute To Silliness. Make funny hats and funny faces and video tape yourselves. Then post it on Facebook for all to see. 
12. June 10 is National Ice Tea Day. Make a big pitcher, sweetened just right and drink it on the porch or the deck and listen to the world go by. 
13. Don’t forget the summer solstice!  If there’s ever a day to stay up late, this is it!  Make homemade ice cream, put on that bug repellent and invite friends over to stay up until the sun goes down. 
14. June 23rd is Great American Backyard Campout Day. Put up a tent in the backyard and try not to get scared when all the lights go out. 
15. July is National Blueberries Month!  Try blueberry pancakes or blueberry muffins or make a pie! 
16. July 24th is Cousins Day.  Make a family tree showing all of your and your spouse’s cousins. Then, contact your children’s cousins for a outing or send them an email with funny photos. 
17. Are you a child of the ‘80s? August 10 is National Duran Duran day! Start a new Pandora station or dig out your cassette tapes and dance. 
18. August 20 is National Cupcake Day. This, of course, dictates what you’ll eat for dessert tonight. (Maybe supper too!) 
19. August 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day. If you have a fireplace, make your own s’mores. If not, roast them over the back yard grill. (You can also use your broiler, but it’s not as much fun.) 
20. Surprise someone you love with a picnic lunch. Your local librarian? Your spouse? Grandparents? 
21. Create a paper airport for your fleet of paper airplanes. Practice flying them and record which fly the furthest. 
22. Check a Knock Knock joke book out of the library and memorize a few. 
23. Rainy Day? Movies and popcorn. Don’t make the movie the most recent release on Netflix, choose an old Disney Classic or something from your childhood you loved. 
24. Create an obstacle course in the yard. Video your child’s progress through it.
25. Water fight!  Add in balloons, spray bottles, water guns or cups. Then, when you’re done, wash the car.

Need more ideas? Do a search on Pinterest for preschool activites. And don’t forget to take lots of photos -- you can have an amazing summer with your child and spend very little money.

Part 4 of 4 - Check the last 3 Thursdays for previous idea posts!

Summer Ideas - Part 3

By Katharine Grubb

Counting pennies this summer?  Or are you looking for things to do in between day camp and the week at the beach?  Here’s a lengthy list of activites for you and your preschooler. All require little preparation and little expense and are just right for ages 3 and up.  

1. With hand-drawn invitations, invite your neighbors over for a meal that your child helps prepare. 
2. With a calendar, count how many days until Christmas. 
3. Build a fort under the dining room table.  Eat lunch there, tell stories. This is especially fun during a thunderstorm.
4. Find your home on Google Earth. 
5. Check out a book from your library about easy science experiments, then try some, like mixing baking soda and vinegar. 
6. Recycle plastic jugs for bath or beach toys. 
7. Go to a garden center or nursery, and look at all the flowers. Take photos of your favorites.
8. July 28th is National Day of the Cowboy. Play cowboy for the day. Wear hats and bandanas, ride your stick horses on the lawn and eat baked beans off paper plates. Sleep in sleeping bags in the living room. 
9. Is there any construction going on in your area? Walk or drive over and watch for a little while. Then come home and read a book or draw a picture about construction.
10. Make a daisy chain. 
11. For the princess in your house, give a bubble bath, a homemade facial and paint her toenails. 
12. Draw an outline of your body on butcher paper, then label all the parts. 
13. Check your local library for free or discounted museum passes. 
14. Make a worm farm. 
15. Collect garden snails. 
16. Bake a loaf of bread from scratch. 
17. Host a Pirate party. Have your friends come over for lunch, a treasure hunt and running through the sprinkler. 
18. Blow bubbles. 
19. July 15th is National Ice Cream Day. Make your favorite flavor of homemade ice cream or go to your local stand. 
20. Eat watermelon. June 21-24 is Seed Spitting Week. Have a seed spitting contest and then plant the seeds that are left. Do this again on August 3rd, when it’s Watermelon Day. 
21. Send email, with lots of photos, to family members who live far away. 
22. Make sock puppets. 
23. Go to a local baseball game. 
24. Identify all the trees in your yard. Or, if you don’t have a yard, the trees in your neighborhood.
25. Explore your world with a magnifying glass.

Need more ideas? Do a search on Pinterest for preschool activites. And don’t forget to take lots of photos -- you can have an amazing summer with your child and spend very little money.

Part 3 of 4 - Check back next Thursday (and the last 2 weeks) for more ideas!

Summer Ideas - Part 2

By Katharine Grubb

Counting pennies this summer?  Or are you looking for things to do in between day camp and the week at the beach?  Here’s a lengthy list of activites for you and your preschooler. All require little preparation and little expense and are just right for ages 3 and up.  

1. Play War with a deck of cards. 
2. Play Candy Land, and every time you land on your favorite color, eat a handful of your favorite snack, like popcorn. 
3. What state parks are nearby? Visit one for a hike, lunch and maybe a little wading.
4. Take photographs all summer of your family and friends, and then make a scrapbook called People We Love.
5. Try a new recipe, like homemade tortillas or gazpacho. 
6. June is National Candy Month so, make homemade candy.
7. Plan for a weekly play date with other moms in your community.
8. Play hide and seek.
9. Grow tomatoes.
10. Make homemade playdough.
11. Make homemade musical instruments, and play along with your favorite songs. 
12. Make sugar cookies.
13. Visit your local playground or drive across town and visit one you’ve never been to before.
14. Create a Word Notebook. Every time your preschooler reads a word, write it in the notebook. You can also collect words from magazines and paste them there.
15. Practice counting to 100. 
16. Practice counting by 2s. 
17. Practice counting by 5s. 
18. Practice counting by 10s. 
19. Get out the tape measure. How tall is everyone in your family? How tall are your child’s favorite toys? 
20. Play Go Fish. 
21. Print dot-to-dot pages from the computer. 
22. Try a new fruit or vegetable every week. 
23. Gather all your legos, Duplos and K’Nex together and build the biggest structure you can. 
24. Visit your local fire station. 
25. Find an easy book on George Washington at your local library. Read it before celebrating Independence Day.

Need more ideas? Do a search on Pinterest for preschool activites. And don’t forget to take lots of photos -- you can have an amazing summer with your child and spend very little money.

Part 2 of 4 - Check back the next 2 Thursdays (and last week) for more ideas!

Summer Ideas

By Katharine Grubb

Counting pennies this summer?  Or are you looking for things to do in between day camp and the week at the beach?  Here’s a lengthy list of activites for you and your preschooler. All require little preparation and little expense and are just right for ages 3 and up.  

1. Check out your local library and sign up for storytimes, special programs for kids, reading incentives and activities. It’s almost always free! 
2. Take a neighborhood walk and look for shapes, colors and textures. 
3. Each week of the summer, choose a specific animal - say, elephants. Read elephant books from the library, download elephant coloring pages. Search Pinterest for elephant art projects.
4. Collect pretty leaves and flowers from your yard. Glue them to a paper and display them.
5. Your kids are up early anyway, right? Take them outside and ask them to listen to different kinds sounds.  What do they hear?  How many different kinds of birds? 
6. Choose an “Author of the Week” and, on your library day, check out all of the books by that author. In between reading books, look up a biography of that author. Start with Eric Carle, Lois Ehlert, H. A. Rey, Margaret Wise Brown, or Rosemary Wells. If you run out of authors, ask your librarian.
7. Make popsicles.
8. Stay up late and identify constellations. 
9. On another night, collect fireflies. 
10. Identify cirrus, cumulus and nimbus clouds and look for them everyday. 
11. Grow marigolds.
12. At the grocery store, look for all the letters of the alphabet.
13. Choose a mode of transportation each week - for example, trains. That week, read books about trains, watch videos, color pages, get out that train set you forgot about and set it up in the living room. The next week is airplanes or trucks or race cars. 
14. July 10 is Teddy Bear Picnic Day!  Host a Teddy Bear picnic at your home.  Invite all your friends over for cupcakes, teddy bear games and fun time together.
15. Who in your family has a birthday this summer?  Instead of a card or gift, make them a video birthday greeting.
16. Play dress up with your kids. My favorite dress up game? Cinderella. Before the ball, we clean the house! 
17. Check your local newspaper (or city website).  Often cities have free concerts, fun runs, parades or other events for the public.
18. June is Audio Book Appreciation Month, so make lunchtime listening time. From your local library, check out books on CDs. Ask your librarian for age-appropriate materials and then make a habit of listening while you eat lunch.
19. Pack a lunch and go on a Coin Toss adventure. Go for a walk, and every time you come to an intersection, flip a coin to tell you which way to go - use common sense in dangerous places, though!  Walk until you get hungry, eat and then come home. 
20. Add music! Try a children’s Pandora station or check out CDs from your local library and make a certain time of day music time.
21. Make jewelry with colored pasta and yarn.
22. Check out any local churches who host Vacation Bible School. Many of these programs are free.
23. Talk about color.  Can you draw a picture in which you only use warm colors like orange, yellow and red?  What about cool colors like blue, green and purple? 
24. Do a search on Pinterest for kid's art. What do you have around the house? 
25. Cut up a magazine and look for words. Glue them on paper for a collage.

Need more ideas? Do a search on Pinterest for preschool activites. And don’t forget to take lots of photos -- you can have an amazing summer with your child and spend very little money.

Part 1 of 4 - Check back the next 3 Thursdays for more ideas!

Ways I've Grown As a Mom

By Katharine Grubb

I’ve brought five of them home from the hospital, so I know that babies change everything. Before I was a mother, I wasn’t all that concerned about dryness. And I never calculated actual hours slept during my daily morning ritual. I knew with my first daughter, that things would be different. What I didn’t know that the most profound difference was in how I would change. If I knew then, what I know now, I might have never left the hospital. But if I knew then, what I know now, then I’d see that my new responsibilities made me more like Jesus.

If I could go back to the overwhelmed and intimidated new mother I was in 1998 and tell her what I was going to be in 2012, this is what I would say:

1. I’M WAY MORE ORGANIZED

Despite the lengthy tirade I ignited on Facebook about the problem with 10-year-old-boys and the Sunday morning clean-jeans-with-holey-knees vs. dirty-jeans-without-holes issue, my household is generally run like a finely tuned machine. But it has taken years to work out the kinks of cleaning, cooking and general managing---and even then it’s not perfect. (And props to me for doing this long before Pinterest was around.)

2. I’M WAY MORE DISCIPLINED

I was told, as a naive college student, that I would never have as much time for myself as I did right then. Of course, I laughed at this. I wish I understood, many years ago, that there would come a time when my biggest personal goal was reading a book that didn’t have a princess in it. To find time, over the years I’ve developed disciplined habits to meet everybody’s needs. And I’m happy to say, that as my kids are getting older, I’m finding my me time is growing.

3. I’M SHOCKED AT HOW GIVING I AM

Oh, I’m still selfish, but in those moments when I give my child the last piece of toast that I wanted, or I gladly surrender a writing project for the sake of sitting at a doll’s “birthday party,” I wonder, "who have I become?" I wasn’t always like this. My kids are making me die to myself. This is a good thing.

4. I’M WAY MORE COMPASSIONATE

Now that I’m a mother, the stakes are higher. There are very real threats in the world against my family, like disease, crime, financial collapse, and freakish acts of nature. As a result, I’m more attuned to suffering of those who have not have been as blessed as I have. I empathize far more readily with bad days and skinned knees and the tragic world. My heart is breaking more and more for the things that breaks the heart of God and because of this, I can teach my children how to be compassionate.

5. I’M WAY MORE PROTECTIVE

Just ask the Kirby salesman who came to my door and wouldn’t take my no for an answer---I can be a real mean Momma Bear. I didn’t know, until that day, what it would take for me to get out my “claws” and protect my family. While I cringe over most of that story, I’m very proud of the fact that I stood firm. I didn’t back down. I protected my family from what I perceived as a threat. I have a confidence now I didn’t have before. Don’t mess with me, I’m a MOM!

6. I’M WAY MORE SELF-AWARE

Wanna intimidate a new mom? Tell her that all of her bad habits will be passed down to her children. Oh boy. I have found this to be true in my own children. As a result, I try to be aware of my own bad habits, my tones of voice and my own impatience. I try, try, try to always speak and behave in the way that Jesus does, but I often fail. This idea, that more is caught that taught---has changed me to realize how influential I am. And as a result of this . . .

7. I’M WAY MORE HUMBLE

If we aren’t humble enough when we have children, then God allows them to learn to talk and say things to others in public that make us want to hide under a rock. But even if that didn’t happen, I would find myself running to God frequently and whimpering, “I can’t do this. Help me!” I once read a blog called Clutching the Hem of His Garment, and I asked myself, why am I, like the writer of this blog, always in a place of desperation and neediness? Then I knew my answer. Is there really any better place to be?

8. I’M WAY MORE SKILLED

One of my childless friends asked me, “Can you teach me to cook?” I said, “Sure,” (and then my response wasn’t all that graceful). I said, “Step one. Get married. Step two. Choose to live frugally, making everything from scratch for every meal for the next sixteen years. Then you’ll know how to cook.” Motherhood has forced me to do hard things, like cooking, and be patient with myself and persevere through failure. Now, I know how to do many things I didn’t know how to do before. But I should probably work on being nicer when people ask me a question.

9. I’M WAY MORE COURAGEOUS

The first time I ever drove in Boston, was when I took my newborn to her first pediatric appointment. I drove from East Boston, through the tunnel, down Storrow Drive to Brighton, in a horrendous downpour. I was terrified. But it had to be done and I was the mother. Since then there have been many more scary incidents. This is one of the hardest parts of being a mother---being in charge when hell seems to break loose---but God has always shown me what to do and held me fast, so I don’t panic or give into my fear. Most of the time.

10. I’M WAY MORE DETERMINED

There are people in my life who have said, “there are no guarantees in life, so why try? Or, “homeschooling is way too hard, why don’t you do something easier?” Or, “you can’t.” Nothing gets me going than to have my vision for home and family criticized by others. You say I can’t? I say, “watch me.” When it was just me I worried about, I never had this much gumption, but then I often too easily believed what I was told. Not now. Now, I’m a mother!

11. I’M WAY MORE CREATIVE

This is my favorite part of being a mother---coming up with the stories to keep my children happy during a car trip, or coming up with a game that helps us pick up our toys, or making up a song about spring, or creating a Lord of the Rings birthday party on a budget. (Not to mention coming up with nutritious meals when there aren’t a whole lot of groceries in the house.) I love being able to give my creative self to those around me. I may never be famous for my creativity---but I’ve given it to the people I love the most and our home is happier for it.

12. I’M MORE CONFIDENT

I don’t go around with a cape calling myself Super Mom. But I do go around reminding myself that God is at work in me to make me strong and capable. There are plenty of areas to work on, but because I am a mother, I have done things and conquered things and savored things that I never thought I would. I am thankful for not only those little babies that came home from the hospital with me, but for Jesus who has used them to make me more like Him every single day.

What about you? How has God changed you since becoming a mom? What has surprised you about yourself?

what amazing thing are you going to do today?

By Katharine Grubb
 

My daughter Veronica, who is 6, thinks she can do everything.

She can add up to the thousands place, she can read, and she wants to clean the house. She has no concept of fear or hesitation or anything but complete acceptance. At our house, she tries and she’s proud of her accomplishments and if she messes up, it’s OK, she tries again. She has gone from preschooler to serious elementary school student in a very short time and she believes life is just like that---new challenges and new successes. I asked her one morning, “What amazing thing are you going to do today?”

It never occurs to her that she could be less than amazing.

Recently, over the course of three days, I had three different people ask me at different times how I manage to homeschool five children at a time. I told them about my day, what I expect, how the kids like it, and what we’ve accomplished. All three of these women were impressed. It should be noted that they are all homeschooling as well, but none of them have five children. And all of them called me “amazing” or something like that. (And all of them have skills and abilities that make me drop my jaw in bewilderment.) My response to them was modest. I don’t see myself as amazing. I just see a mom trying to get by, doing what she’s called to do with a minimum number of trips to the emergency room. I probably need to see myself in a better light. I should be more like Veronica.

Our Father asks me the same thing I asked my daughter. “What amazing thing are you going to do today?” Funny, He loves me more than I love her. He is as delighted by me as I am by her. Oh, that’s mind-blowing!

I need to stop believing that my day-to-day accomplishments are nothing. I need to believe that God sees them differently. He knows that when I am at my best, when I believe I can’t fail, when I am working in my strengths, when I am fearless and confident, I AM AMAZING. I can do amazing things. Failure or mediocrity or even false modesty should not even be in my vocabulary. After all, they aren’t in Veronica’s.

So, my question to you, dear readers, is this: What amazing thing are you going to do today?

 Via Lucius Art on Etsy

Taking Charge Of Your Toddler’s Words

By Katharine Grubb

It starts off cute. Your three-year-old mimics something slightly inappropriate in a commercial and you and your spouse laugh. Then, of course, because the child received such a positive response, he repeats it and you laugh again. Then he says it for Gramma or your neighbor or the kid next door and the response is the same. He’s so cute. It’s so funny.

Your child has learned that being a show off is fun. He tries other phrases, some that are disrespectful or demeaning or even profane. And if you laugh, show him off or repeat what he’s done, he learns that this behavior is acceptable and a way to get attention. And if you allow him to continue this and develop a bad habit, then you may be sorry later.

If a toddler learns by age three that disrespecting adults is funny, they will continue to smart off to teachers later. Then principals. Then police officers. Disrespect will add more trouble when your child is dealing with correction from adults. Disrespect leads to contempt, and contempt leads to bitterness. You don’t want that for your child. A habit of disrespecting authority will bring unending trouble to their lives.

If a toddler learns that profanity is acceptable, then they will say bad words in inappropriate places. It may be funny in the comfort of your living room, but Mom, do you really want your kid repeating that at church? Or in front of your mother? Or teaching their entire kindergarten class how to say it? A habit of profanity will bring nothing but embarrassment for you.

If a toddler learns that name-calling is okay, then they will call other children around them names. This is not the way to make friends or keep the peace. This is not what you want for your child. You want to have the kid who is well liked, gracious and kind. A habit of name-calling will bring nothing but loneliness.

If a toddler learns that put-downs are acceptable, then they will alienate others around them. A child who feels empowered by putting others down will be insecure and selfish. You do not want to have a kid that other children are wary of, you don’t want your child to be the one that causes heartache. You want the child that others are attracted to and want to be like. A habit of put-downs will cause nothing but pain.

It’s too bad many parents object to this simple correction. They may say, “You’re taking this way too seriously.” Maybe, but the Bible teaches us that we reap what we sow. We should encourage our children to develop good habits so that when they leave us, they are well equipped to handle anything the world gives them. Faithful parents get this and will work hard to stop habits before they rage out of control.

I’ll correct him when he’s older, when it really matters. No - correct it now, when he’s young and easy to teach. Toddlers are way, way easier to instruct than teens. A well-guided toddler will grow up to be a happier, better adjusted, respectful teen. An unrestricted toddler will grow up to be a rebellious, angry teen who will hold you in contempt because you didn’t require respect when he was younger.

But it’s so hard! Yes and no. Parenting is hard. But man up! You must stand your ground now because you are shaping an adult - one who will take with him everything he learned at your knee, the good and the bad. But, then it isn’t that hard. All you have to do when your toddler says something inappropriate is pull him aside. Say, “We don’t talk like that in this household. Those words are not acceptable. Please say you’re sorry. Please don’t talk like that again.” That’s all there is to it. If they don’t heed your instruction, then apply a consistent punishment. The bad habits can stop there for good.

Nobody really cares about stuff like this nowadays. I assure you, every person your child will meet in his future will care. Other parents that meet you care, because if your child says inappropriate things around them, they may not think it’s cute. They may think I’m not sure I want my child to associate with your child. I don’t want those bad habits rubbed off on mine! Unfortunately, Mom, you are judged by your child’s bad behavior. You are doing yourself and your child an injustice by allowing inappropriate words to come out of their mouths.

They’re going to pick it up at school anyway. This attitude is the most destructive attitude of all. It reeks of hopelessness and apathy. By not stepping up to guide your child to speak correctly, you are neglecting them and allowing them to be influenced by undisciplined children. This does not communicate love. This communicates to your child that they are not worth the trouble to correct. Don’t think like this. Be proactive and diligent instead.

Words matter. Little habits can develop into big ones. Parents, take seriously what you are allowing your toddler to talk about.

Things I Try Not To Say To My Kids (And More Truthful Things I Say Instead)

By Katharine Grubb

Moms, we have a powerful weapon at our disposal: our words. We all know the painful things that were said to us as children, some even by our parents. We all know that words can leave a permanent, painful reminder of how we have failed or how hard life is.

I’m not perfect, but I want to think long-term about how my words affect my children.
This is a list of things I try not to say to my kids and the more truthful things I say instead.

I’m always going to be there for you. This isn’t true. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to forget to pick them up from soccer practice. I’m going to misunderstand them. Sometimes I’m going to shoot first and ask questions later. And, even though this is morbid, I can’t control exactly how long I’ll live. I’d rather say, I’m going to give you my best.

You can do anything. Also, not true. My daughter will probably never play for the NFL. My son might not get to fly into outer space. And the chances of me having a future president in my home right now are pretty slim. Instead I say this, God has given you some amazing gifts and he’s got some great plans for you. Let’s trust him for your future.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Sounds like an innocent question, but I think it can subtly send a message to kids (especially sensitive over-thinkers like me) that your job is your identity. Instead, I ask, How can I help you be more like Jesus?

You are going to college. Realistically speaking, college isn’t for everyone. I’d rather work with my child to figure out the best path, not just the assumed path, for him after high school. This decision will be based on his specific strengths and passions and not the once-valuable prestige of a college education. And I’m not so sure I’m willing to fork over $30K a year for my daughter to be a professional puppeteer. Instead, I say, God has a perfect plan for you.

You owe me. Boy, I hate it when moms, especially moms of adults, remind their children of their difficult pregnancies, days of labor, C-sections, dirty diapers, etc. This totally communicates to the child that the hard work wasn’t worth it and that mom is expecting some sort of payback. No, we love unconditionally. We, as mothers, should have low expectations of our children, even as adults! Then, when they do bless us and care for us, and eventually return the favor of the whole diaper-changing thing, we can truly be grateful.

I am ashamed of you. Honestly, I have felt this way about my children’s behavior. But I try not to communicate shame. Instead, I try to use my words to express forgiveness and reconciliation; at some moments it’s easier than others. This doesn’t mean they don’t get punished for their sins. This just means that my acceptance of them as a person isn’t threatened. Instead, I say, We all make mistakes. I forgive you.

You are so pretty. This is a hard one to reign in. I have three beautiful daughters and I want them to be confident with their looks, but I don’t want them to be so caught up with their appearance that they neglect their character. Instead I say, What makes you beautiful is that your inside matches your outside.

Anything negative about Daddy. Daddy and I don’t always agree. Sometimes we can work out our differences out of earshot from the kids, sometimes we can’t. But I believe that if my kids detect any negative vibe from me about Daddy, then their inner security is threatened. Instead I need to vent in a private way, forgive Daddy, express unity and allow the kids to see us make-up.

Let’s take our words seriously, moms. Pray over what you can change about your words and practice saying the graceful and uplifting.

Welcome Baby Jesus

By Katharine Grubb

In the spirit of keeping the Advent season simple and meaningful, I am delighted to share with you, Welcome Baby Jesus: Advent and Christmas Reflections for Families by Sarah Reinhard

The author says on the first page, "Advent is a season almost forgotten by the secular world. You’ll find Advent calendars, but they are simply an adornment for the “Christmas Season,” which begins sometime after Halloween and ends on Christmas Day."

This simple, whimsically illustrated book goes through the days of Advent with easy discussion, simple readings and practical application of what it means to worship Jesus in the Advent season. I found this book to be easy to follow and full of grace. It has the perfect combination of theology, practical living and excitement for my little ones. I find myself scrambling for Advent resources about December 5th, and what I like about this book is that I can pick it up at any point and still get a lot out of it. I want my Advent season to be full of meaning for my children, and I’m grateful for easy resources like this one.

The author continues, "After all your presents have been opened and the decorations put away, we still have a Baby who changed the world and who is, at the heart of it, the biggest reason for our celebration. Everything else is secondary to the arrival of our Messiah."

Amen! Come, Lord Jesus to my home this Advent Season!

YOU ARE NEITHER MARTHA STEWART NOR MRS. CLAUS: How To Keep The Holiday Season Simple With Infants and Toddlers

By Katharine Grubb

I was eight months pregnant and suffering from hypertension but where was I three weeks before Christmas? At Jo-Ann Fabric, buying supplies to handmake my daughters, then ages three and two, the perfect gifts for Christmas. And I didn’t even sew. The cashier asked me what I was doing and I told her. She frowned and said, “You put all this back. Those babies don’t need another toy. They need you. Take care of yourself, Mama. You don’t have to have the perfect Christmas.”

I didn’t follow her advice. After all, she was just a nosy busybody. But I should have. I should have not tried so hard to make Christmas special (for toddlers who wouldn’t remember it anyway) and just concentrated on making it a simple celebration for my growing family. I was, after all, not Martha Stewart. So I didn’t need to try to be.

It’s very exciting to have the magical season around us, especially when we finally have a family of our own. But if we have high expectations, then we’re setting ourselves up for stress, burnout and probably a crying jag. Which isn’t at all why Baby Jesus came to earth in the first place.

And before you get in over your head with a sewing project, or find yourself on bedrest, rethink your Christmas expectations and maybe follow this advice instead? I am sure your holiday season will be the happier for it.

1. Stick to the basics. Isn’t Christmas, at its essence, a time for family, gifts and a meaningful experience? Ask yourself how you can define this in the simplest terms around the basic needs of your family. For example, your family needs to eat breakfast, but they don’t need gingerbread waffles on Christmas morning, especially if you’re opening gifts and then driving to Gramma’s four hours away.

2. Don’t start a mega tradition. Now that you have your own family, it’s tempting to think that you are instantly transformed into that Mrs. Claus-like matriarch. You aren’t. The best, most meaningful traditions are the ones that grow organically out of your own family’s needs from year to year. Ours include making gorgonzola mashed potatoes and having funny name tags on the gifts. These traditions came out of our experiences and personalities and they look nothing like my mother’s or grandmother’s traditions. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

3. Keep things simple. With little ones, the abstract idea of Jesus can be hard to grasp. Toddlers can understand “Baby Jesus’ birthday” or “Christmas is about love”. As they grow up, add to this in ways they can understand.

4. Beware of over-stimulation. If a child is over-tired, and has eaten too much sugar, and stayed up too late, don’t expect them to be on their best behavior when the relatives drop by.

5. Discuss your plans early. Communicate early and often with spouses, extended family and friends about what you can and can’t do this year. And then stick to your plan.

6. Gain perspective. The holidays come every year. Your child has a lifetime of traditions and activities and events to enjoy with you. You don’t have to make this year the biggest, busiest and brightest. Next year may be easier to do more, but even if it is not, understand that you’ll have many more Christmases in the future.

7. Say no. If you ever get caught feeling guilty for what you didn’t do around the holidays, then you’re pleasing the wrong people. You are the mom. You get to set the tone for the holidays for your family. You know everyone’s limitations and needs. You can say no to invitations, expectations, or over-the-top events.

Peace on earth starts with you. With planning, low expectations and an understanding of what your family really needs, you can have a Holly Jolly Christmas that everyone can enjoy.

And then, you can make that homemade toy for Valentine’s Day! 

using an Advent Jesse Tree to Celebrate Jesus at christmas

By Katharine Grubb

photo from: http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/11/free-jesse-tree-advent-devotional-book/

I’m a stressed out Mom at Christmas time. I often am tempted to overlook the importance of Jesus’ birth. And if I’m neglectful, then my children will miss something meaningful.

To add meaning to our holiday season, over the last few years, our family has created a Jesse Tree advent calendar. Not only do we count down the days until Christmas, but we also read and reflect on the history of mankind and the need of a savior.

The name Jesse Tree comes from a prophecy. In the Old Testament book of Isaiah, the prophet Isaiah tells the discouraged nation of Israel that they will have a future king who will be their salvation.

This is what the NIV says in Isaiah 11:
1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; 
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD
3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.

The idea of the Jesse Tree is that its a way to simply and concretely introduce the idea of Jesus’s birth as an Old Testament fulfillment. A Jesse Tree has 25 symbols, one for each day of the month. The first symbol is about Creation, the later symbols depict Adam, Eve, Noah, Abraham, Isaac and all of the Old Testament pillars of faith, including Jesse, the father of King David, who is a direct ancestor of Jesus.

A Jesse Tree in your home can be a branch with a small ornament hanging from it, one for each day in the month of December. The ornaments depict the symbol of each one of the ancestors of Jesus and the forerunners of our faith.

At our house, we didn’t have room for an actual branch. Instead, we cut out 4”X4” squares of paper and drew a picture of the 25 symbols on each one. Then we taped the paper around a doorframe in our dining room. We’d read the passage associated with that day, and, as the month progressed, so did the artwork and the discussions about why Jesus came, how Christmas is about all of mankind, not just for December 25th. As our children have grown older, they’ve come to anticipate the Jesse Tree as an important element in our Christmas celebrations.

Links for more Jesse Tree ideas, artwork to print and scriptures to look up, try these links:
ERIErcd
A Holy Experience 
Jesse Tree
CRI Voice

I’ve found that there is a bit of inconsistency on these sites. This isn’t a major church doctrine, it’s just a fun tradition, so there is no right way to do it. Like everything you do in your family, choose how it can best fit your needs to add meaning to Christmas.

Gift Idea: The Coupon Book for Grandparents

By Katharine Grubb

My parents and in-laws do not need more junk. The don’t need more clothes, nor sweets, nor the latest gadget (although they have fallen in love with their iPad). What they need this holiday season is more quality time with my children. So for Christmas one year, I made them a holiday coupon book.

Fortunately, they are close enough for us to be together on a monthly basis. So I made a coupon book with twelve coupons, one for each month of the upcoming year. Each coupon was decorated with the foods we planned on eating and pictures of us enjoying our time together. This was pretty simple and nice for me, the non-scrapbook type of mom.

January: Eat beef stew and watch the Patriots in the playoffs.
February: Spaghetti and meatballs and Valentine’s celebration
March: Homemade pizza and board game time
April: Pack a picnic lunch and go to Drumlin Farm to see the baby animals
May: Pack a picnic and walk through Arnold Arboretum
June: Grammy’s birthday celebration!
July: A cookout and a trip to the zoo
August: Beach day picnic!
...You get the idea...

This was a huge hit. We made an extra effort to schedule the events, but we also walked in grace, so when Grampy was sick, we just picked it up the following month.

This was fun to make, fun to plan and fun to enjoy all year long. And we took lots of photos to make it even more special.

Book Review: Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids

By Katharine Grubb

I’ve been down on myself lately and I picked up this book from the library thinking that perhaps it would encourage me in my parenting skills. I know a little about Dr. Laura Schlessinger, enough to trust her opinion.  

Some things included in her stupid list are: neglect, irresponsible conception, lack of discipline, indulgence, and distractions. Each thing gets its own chapter and all of them are consistent with Biblical beliefs. Even though Dr. Laura is Jewish, she firmly supports a Christian worldview, conservative thought, and the importance of faith in a family setting. She cites articles, gives statistics, and quotes callers from her radio show.  And she backs up the reasons why all of these things are, indeed, stupid. I found her data to be disturbing but not surprising.

I am glad I read this book. I found it to be a quick read and I came away from it feeling like my own intentions in parenting are not stupid at all. (They’re also not perfect, but I’m grateful that Dr. Laura would probably not find them toxic to my children.) I highly recommend this book specifically to new parents. Especially to new parents who were raised by parents who may have done some stupid things themselves.

HELLO, LIBRARY? THIS IS TODDLER! LET’S BE FRIENDS! How To Enjoy Your Library With Your Little One

By Katharine Grubb

One of the silliest things I did as a new mother was take my two month old to check out children’s books at my local library branch. I took them home, and read them to her. I had seen it in every parenting magazine that reading to you child, even your infants was important.

Honestly? After the first book, I felt ridiculous. Babies that small don’t need books. Instead, I talked non-stop to her (to develop those language skills) and we waited until she was a bit older to go to the library.

When my baby became a toddler, and had a baby sister, we went back. This time the purpose was to bring picture books home, look over them repeatedly and take them back to discover new favorites.

I knew, with time, that this would instill in my little girls a love of books and an interest in the world around them and hopefully make them life-long readers. We’ve gone to the same branch---with the same librarians---for the last eleven years and it’s become an extension of our home in some ways. The very goals that were mentioned in those parenting magazines are met: my kids are enthusiastic readers.

How does one start at the library? How does one go from first-time visitor to old friend?

1. Make the library a habit. The same day every week, or once every two weeks. Your toddlers will grow in their affection for books, the outing and time with you!

2. Bring A Bag. It is tricky to juggle a child, a purse, a stroller and a pile of books. Besides, you always check out more than you think you will. My personal record is 88 books. And I have two huge canvas bags.

3. Chat with the children’s librarian. It is her job to help you find with you need. If you have a good relationship with her, then you will get the most out of your library experience.

4. Start slowly. Toddlers only need two or three board books checked out at each visit. Don’t force their interests; let them develop naturally.

5. Look for books about those pet subjects. My daughter has checked out all the wildcat books dozens of times, even the ones that were too hard for her to read. My son did the same for the penguin books. This makes their library time more positive, allows for them to think about books as familiar friends and encourages them in their reading when they’re ready.

6. Have a plan, like alphabetically. Kids’ picture books are often alphabetized by the author’s last name. Start with the first five book that begin with A. Move on to the Bs when you’re ready.

7. Or, concentrate on one author per month. You can’t go wrong with H. A. Rey, Lois Ehlert, Steven Kellogg, Rosemary Wells, Margaret Wise Brown, Robert McCloskey, Chris Van Allsburg, Eric Carle, Virgina Lee Burton, Jan Brett, Don Freeman, and James Marshall. There are hundreds of great authors out there. If you need more suggestions, try Amazon.

8. Take Your Time. Rushing adds to stress, stress often makes noise. Libraries are supposed to be peaceful. If your visits are peaceful, then that will remind your child that this is a positive experience.

9. Limit the DVDs. That’s the first thing my kids want to check out, but I am always reluctant to do so. The main reason is that they are due in a week, while the rest of our books are due back in three weeks. This little fact had caused me to pay far too many fines because I forgot to renew the DVDs. I also want for my kids to see the library as a place for their minds. The latest Spongebob DVD doesn’t do much for that.

10. Check out the events. Libraries put a lot of energy into book discussions, story hour, lecturers, art shows, and kids programs. Take advantage of them. You’ll meet people, learn more about your community---and most of the time, they’re free!

11. Take advantage of online catalogs. Loved The Very Hungry Caterpillar but can’t find The Very Grumpy Ladybug on the shelf? A library’s online catalog is often system wide and can get titles for you to be held at your local branch. This is one of my favorite tools for educating my children.

12. And, get something for yourself! If your child sees you read, they will be far more likely to follow in your footsteps.

Now, thirteen years later after that first trip, all five of my children love going to library. They have their favorite titles and their favorite librarians. And all of them have a love of good books.

Why I’m Thankful For My Daughter’s Allergy

By Katharine Grubb

My 13-year-old daughter has lived her entire life allergic to dairy. This means that she can’t have milk, but she also can’t have ice cream, sour cream, cheese, items that are cheese flavored, whey, milk fat, milk chocolate, and butter. Her reactions include discomfort in her mouth, a closing in of her throat, and nausea. She has to miss out on a lot of things because of this problem, and we’re hoping she grows out of it, but while we have it to deal with, I feel like it’s changed my family and I for the better. Here’s why.

I’ve become a better cook. I find that by preparing everything we eat from scratch, I can guarantee that she will not react to it. I’ve learned to bake bread, make salad dressing, substitute ingredients, and stretch myself to meet her needs. As a result, we eat very well, ingest few preservatives and additives, and save money. This is a good thing

I’ve become a mean Momma Bear. My daughter depends on me to help her discern whether or not the well-intentioned neighbor with the plate of cookies can be trusted. Sadly, I’ve had to risk the feelings of friends because I can’t allow her to eat certain foods, like birthday cake at a party. If my kid reacts badly, then I always have to step in and protect her, regardless of the feelings of the other person. Sometimes the baker of the cookies understands the situation, but unfortunately, sometimes they don’t and I risk losing a friend. But my child comes first. My daughter feels protected because of my diligence.

I’ve learned not to assume anything. Labels on grocery items tell you everything nowadays, and I’m grateful that I can find out quickly if an item is okay for her to eat. Who knew that nacho cheese Doritos actually have cheese in them? And who knew that guacamole is dairy free, but guacamole dip isn’t? I’ve also learned to appreciate those adults around me, who in preparing food for her, take the time to do this.

I’ve learned to be discreet---at least I hope I have. She doesn’t want special attention over this, nor does she want to feel left out when everyone else goes out for pizza. I’ve had to learn delicacy and diplomacy in communicating her needs to others. I’ve not always succeeded in this, but I have tried and communicating is becoming easier.

Our family sticks by her. If she can’t buy ice cream from the truck at the park, then no one can. The whole family has taken ownership of her situation and helps her whenever they can. They also get very excited when someone offers them cheese!

I’m more compassionate toward health issues. Until my daughter’s allergy was discovered, I stupidly thought that food allergies were bids for attention or figments of imagination. Now I know they’re not and I’ve learned to ask parents about their child’s needs. I’m also grateful that we only have to avoid dairy -- it really isn’t so bad. A wheat allergy or a severe peanut one would be horrible.

She has learned thankfulness. Recently, she wondered, “why would anyone dislike any type of food? You should be grateful that you can eat what you can.” This allergy has made her wise.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. I’ve decided not to complain about, but embrace, this one instead. We’re making our lives work just fine around this dairy allergy and we’re doing just fine.

Are you facing allergies with your children? How are you handling it?

How I Tamed My Wandering Mind With A Timer

By Katharine Grubb

Back in ’96, I was a new bride and my apartment had a problem. It was full of shiny objects.

These weren’t literal shiny objects, they were actually things that distracted me from my domestic work. Like a good book. Like a good magazine. Like a cooking show on Food Network. Like some intricate daydream that might become a novel or short story. Like calling my mother, or checking the mail, or my e-mail, or giving myself a manicure. My life was full of little things that kept me from my job of maintaining an orderly house.

My highly distractable (and possibly attention deficit) personality was a bad fit for domestic life. The dishes weren’t getting washed. The laundry wasn’t getting done. The vacuum cleaner was covered in dust.

To make matters worse, I married Mr. Clean. He came from a long line of clean “freaks”, who scoured every surface, had a place for every scrap of paper and never owned a “junk” drawer. He couldn’t understand that I had the concentration of a goldfish.

I had to do something to make my living space more sanitary and enjoyable and to make my Mr. Clean happy. The solution was my microwave timer. At first, I decided to set a small goal---five minutes on a task, like washing the dishes. I could work for five minutes and then spend a little time on my favorite things and go back. The timer on my microwave became the alarm, and I figured if anything else, it would go off and bring me back to the real world. Hey, what’s that alarm mean? Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be dusting! But the timer did more than that. It made me feel less overwhelmed and less intimidated by mindless tasks. And because I rewarded myself every five minutes, I felt like my stuff, (the writing, the reading and the general goofing off) was addressed, too.

After weeks of this, I graduated to ten minutes, but I’ve found I can’t go for much longer than that---I start to mentally drift. That’s OK. Every ten minutes, I’m getting things done. In fact, I’m working faster and more efficiently. If the timer went off with only a small bit left to do, say three or four dishes to wash, I just wash them and get the job done. I had never wanted to accomplish great domestic feats, but this system changed me. I was becoming more organized and more disciplined with my time.

I also discovered that most domestic chores can be done in less than ten minutes. Like the following:

•Sort the laundry and start one load.
•Fold one basket of clothing.
•Clean the bathroom.
•Vacuum one room in my house.
•Dust one room in my house.
•Clean out the refrigerator.
•Unload the dishwasher and fill it again.
•Wipe all the kitchen counters and sweep the floor.
•Compile a shopping list.
•Start (but not complete) dinner.

This isn’t an exhaustive list. There are many more tasks around the house that, if broken down in small chunks, can be done every other ten minutes. If I stay focused on these little tasks, for ten minutes at a time, then I’ve only worked an hour and a half. I have the rest of the day to do what I need to do for myself for my family.

If I have a lengthy list, things like call for dental appointments, or write an article or go to the library, I break it down into the smallest tasks possible, enlist the help of my children and keep setting my timer.

To this day, fifteen years after setting my timer for the first time, I still work this way. I wrote this article in ten-minute increments between cleaning my kitchen, dusting my living room, making meatballs, organizing my desk and folding three loads of laundry. This system works for me, and my much-busier household. By setting my timer, I find that I’m faster, happier and a better housekeeper.

Not everyone can do this. Many people have the natural inclination to stay focused, or like Mr. Clean, are so driven they don’t need a timer or reminder to get back to work. And some people would say that for all the energy I put into setting timers, I could have cleaned out the house five times, but that’s not the point. The point is that I found a weakness in how I work and I also found a solution. Wait, is that the ice cream truck???

This works for me. It could work for you.

Do you have attention problems around the house? What do you do to keep yourself focused?