It starts off cute. Your three-year-old mimics something slightly inappropriate in a commercial and you and your spouse laugh. Then, of course, because the child received such a positive response, he repeats it and you laugh again. Then he says it for Gramma or your neighbor or the kid next door and the response is the same. He’s so cute. It’s so funny.
Your child has learned that being a show off is fun. He tries other phrases, some that are disrespectful or demeaning or even profane. And if you laugh, show him off or repeat what he’s done, he learns that this behavior is acceptable and a way to get attention. And if you allow him to continue this and develop a bad habit, then you may be sorry later.
If a toddler learns by age three that disrespecting adults is funny, they will continue to smart off to teachers later. Then principals. Then police officers. Disrespect will add more trouble when your child is dealing with correction from adults. Disrespect leads to contempt, and contempt leads to bitterness. You don’t want that for your child. A habit of disrespecting authority will bring unending trouble to their lives.
If a toddler learns that profanity is acceptable, then they will say bad words in inappropriate places. It may be funny in the comfort of your living room, but Mom, do you really want your kid repeating that at church? Or in front of your mother? Or teaching their entire kindergarten class how to say it? A habit of profanity will bring nothing but embarrassment for you.
If a toddler learns that name-calling is okay, then they will call other children around them names. This is not the way to make friends or keep the peace. This is not what you want for your child. You want to have the kid who is well liked, gracious and kind. A habit of name-calling will bring nothing but loneliness.
If a toddler learns that put-downs are acceptable, then they will alienate others around them. A child who feels empowered by putting others down will be insecure and selfish. You do not want to have a kid that other children are wary of, you don’t want your child to be the one that causes heartache. You want the child that others are attracted to and want to be like. A habit of put-downs will cause nothing but pain.
It’s too bad many parents object to this simple correction. They may say, “You’re taking this way too seriously.” Maybe, but the Bible teaches us that we reap what we sow. We should encourage our children to develop good habits so that when they leave us, they are well equipped to handle anything the world gives them. Faithful parents get this and will work hard to stop habits before they rage out of control.
I’ll correct him when he’s older, when it really matters. No - correct it now, when he’s young and easy to teach. Toddlers are way, way easier to instruct than teens. A well-guided toddler will grow up to be a happier, better adjusted, respectful teen. An unrestricted toddler will grow up to be a rebellious, angry teen who will hold you in contempt because you didn’t require respect when he was younger.
But it’s so hard! Yes and no. Parenting is hard. But man up! You must stand your ground now because you are shaping an adult - one who will take with him everything he learned at your knee, the good and the bad. But, then it isn’t that hard. All you have to do when your toddler says something inappropriate is pull him aside. Say, “We don’t talk like that in this household. Those words are not acceptable. Please say you’re sorry. Please don’t talk like that again.” That’s all there is to it. If they don’t heed your instruction, then apply a consistent punishment. The bad habits can stop there for good.
Nobody really cares about stuff like this nowadays. I assure you, every person your child will meet in his future will care. Other parents that meet you care, because if your child says inappropriate things around them, they may not think it’s cute. They may think I’m not sure I want my child to associate with your child. I don’t want those bad habits rubbed off on mine! Unfortunately, Mom, you are judged by your child’s bad behavior. You are doing yourself and your child an injustice by allowing inappropriate words to come out of their mouths.
They’re going to pick it up at school anyway. This attitude is the most destructive attitude of all. It reeks of hopelessness and apathy. By not stepping up to guide your child to speak correctly, you are neglecting them and allowing them to be influenced by undisciplined children. This does not communicate love. This communicates to your child that they are not worth the trouble to correct. Don’t think like this. Be proactive and diligent instead.
Words matter. Little habits can develop into big ones. Parents, take seriously what you are allowing your toddler to talk about.
So true! I work in preschools and can't believe the things I hear at times from 3 year olds! Do you have any examples of effective ways you've dealt with bad words at home?
ReplyDeletei know with our kids, most times they don't even realize the word is "bad". for example in a family movie we were watching recently, someone called someone else an idiot. when i overhead one of my children then calling their sibling an idiot, we simply explained that we don't say that word because it is unkind word. usually for the toddlers/preschoolers, that is enough of an explanation. for my 7 year old, i discretely explained what an idiot is so she understood why we choose not to use it.
ReplyDeletei think in a preschool setting you could even say something as simple as, "mouths are for saying kind things, not (fill-in-the-blank: hurtful, unkind, mean, disrespectful) things." knowing how you as the teacher feel about a word is often enough for a child to stop using it.
thanks for asking!
Melanie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you have to be the bad cop at preschool instead of their parents. If bad words are causing enough of a distraction, I'd suggest lessons (like songs and pictures) on "kind words" for the preschoolers and a consistent reward for those children who use them. But if I know preschoolers, that might be an all day fight. You've got your work cut out for you. Maybe parents or administrators have any ideas? Good luck.
This seems so obvious (in a good way). It's sad that parents don't realize this simple truth. I've read on forums people who said they would stop swearing as soon as their baby could speak. But how does the baby learn to speak?? If you don't want the child to say a word, don't say it yourself. I know I'm a total slip up here, and I love what Karen says about explaining that some words are unkind. This post is totally how I plan (and hope and pray) to raise my daughter.
ReplyDelete