I was eight months pregnant and suffering from hypertension but where was I three weeks before Christmas? At Jo-Ann Fabric, buying supplies to handmake my daughters, then ages three and two, the perfect gifts for Christmas. And I didn’t even sew. The cashier asked me what I was doing and I told her. She frowned and said, “You put all this back. Those babies don’t need another toy. They need you. Take care of yourself, Mama. You don’t have to have the perfect Christmas.”
I didn’t follow her advice. After all, she was just a nosy busybody. But I should have. I should have not tried so hard to make Christmas special (for toddlers who wouldn’t remember it anyway) and just concentrated on making it a simple celebration for my growing family. I was, after all, not Martha Stewart. So I didn’t need to try to be.
It’s very exciting to have the magical season around us, especially when we finally have a family of our own. But if we have high expectations, then we’re setting ourselves up for stress, burnout and probably a crying jag. Which isn’t at all why Baby Jesus came to earth in the first place.
And before you get in over your head with a sewing project, or find yourself on bedrest, rethink your Christmas expectations and maybe follow this advice instead? I am sure your holiday season will be the happier for it.
1. Stick to the basics. Isn’t Christmas, at its essence, a time for family, gifts and a meaningful experience? Ask yourself how you can define this in the simplest terms around the basic needs of your family. For example, your family needs to eat breakfast, but they don’t need gingerbread waffles on Christmas morning, especially if you’re opening gifts and then driving to Gramma’s four hours away.
2. Don’t start a mega tradition. Now that you have your own family, it’s tempting to think that you are instantly transformed into that Mrs. Claus-like matriarch. You aren’t. The best, most meaningful traditions are the ones that grow organically out of your own family’s needs from year to year. Ours include making gorgonzola mashed potatoes and having funny name tags on the gifts. These traditions came out of our experiences and personalities and they look nothing like my mother’s or grandmother’s traditions. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
3. Keep things simple. With little ones, the abstract idea of Jesus can be hard to grasp. Toddlers can understand “Baby Jesus’ birthday” or “Christmas is about love”. As they grow up, add to this in ways they can understand.
4. Beware of over-stimulation. If a child is over-tired, and has eaten too much sugar, and stayed up too late, don’t expect them to be on their best behavior when the relatives drop by.
5. Discuss your plans early. Communicate early and often with spouses, extended family and friends about what you can and can’t do this year. And then stick to your plan.
6. Gain perspective. The holidays come every year. Your child has a lifetime of traditions and activities and events to enjoy with you. You don’t have to make this year the biggest, busiest and brightest. Next year may be easier to do more, but even if it is not, understand that you’ll have many more Christmases in the future.
7. Say no. If you ever get caught feeling guilty for what you didn’t do around the holidays, then you’re pleasing the wrong people. You are the mom. You get to set the tone for the holidays for your family. You know everyone’s limitations and needs. You can say no to invitations, expectations, or over-the-top events.
Peace on earth starts with you. With planning, low expectations and an understanding of what your family really needs, you can have a Holly Jolly Christmas that everyone can enjoy.
And then, you can make that homemade toy for Valentine’s Day!
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