Preparing Your Daughters for Dating

By Hank Wilson

Just writing that title makes me nauseous as a father. The fact of the matter is, I'll always be nauseous when it comes to my little girls dating. The real issue is, will they be ready?

I don't actually remember the first time I heard the term "Daddy Daughter Date." I just remember liking the idea from the beginning because:

1. I wanted each of my girls to know how loved and beautiful they are in the eyes of their Dad (and in the eyes of their Heavenly Dad too).
2. I wanted each of my girls to know how a young man should treat them on dates in the future.



So I’ve done these daddy daughter dates with my girls since they were little. We go out for pizza, watch a movie, go to a coffee shop to do puzzles or games, take a walk, or sit at a park. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. We make it one-on-one time, we do things they want to do, and we spend a lot of time talking and getting to know one another.

I want my girls to have a healthy amount of connection, attention, and affection from their Dad. If they don't get it from me, I think studies and pastoral experiences indicate they may go looking for it elsewhere. In a book called Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, author Meg Meeker says:

Daughters who perceive that their fathers care a lot about them, who feel connected with their fathers, have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance use and unhealthy weight. 

A daughter's self-esteem is best predicted by her father's physical affection.  

Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention. 

Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy.

Love your daughters well, Dads. In my experience, a daddy daughter date is a great way of showing how much your little girl means to you.

“Don't you see that children are God's best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?” Psalm 127:3 TM

Becoming Fire Smart

By Karen Brown

I have a confession to make. We have an evacuation ladder in our second floor bedroom closet that I have never taken out of the box, much less made sure it actually works. I have fire extinguishers on every floor, but I have never read the instructions. If I ever had to try and operate one in a hurry or in the dark, I’m not sure I could pull it off. And we have smoke detectors all over the place. Do I check to make sure they are functioning? Not very often (unless they are beeping at me for new batteries). In fact, on occasion I have even disconnected the one in the kitchen because it is so irritating. I know, pretty bad, huh?

October 1st is National Family Fire Drill Day. I am determined to come up with an evacuation plan and share it with the kids. I will read the instructions on working the fire extinguisher and may even check the batteries in the detectors, and not just when I’m prompted by their annoying beep. Maybe we’ll practice some crawling through smoke and some “stop, drop and rolls.” We should probably try out that evacuation ladder as well, just for kicks.

It is my obligation and privilege as a parent to keep my kids and family safe. I know this. I am certain I would find it hard to forgive myself if something happened to my children as a result of poor planning on the part of me and my husband. My prayer is that a house fire is something neither my family nor yours will ever experience, but I must be prepared regardless.

For more details on creating a fire plan, check out www.befiresmart.com.

What does your family’s fire and evacuation plan include? Want to join me in creating one?

Favorite Bibles for Kids

By Karen Brown

My two oldest kids may have finally graduated from baby Bibles to something with actual chapters and verses. I thought it would be an easy task to simply grab them a new Bible from the bookstore, but the selection is a bit daunting. After asking some other parents and doing a little research, here’s a short list of favorites.

For Infants & Toddlers

This is a really sweet Bible that covers some of the more popular stories. The stories rhyme (hence the name) and the kids really enjoy listening to it. The illustrations are really nice and pretty to look at. This Bible makes a great gift.

For Preschoolers

This Bible is great because it covers a wide range of stories from both the Old and New Testaments. The stories are typically a couple short pages long and are written with age-appropriate language and discretion. All the pages have colorful illustration.

For Young Readers 

I asked my daughter what she loves about this Bible and she mentioned that she really likes to read the introductions of the books that talk about who wrote it and what was happening during those Bible times. She is often sharing “did you know?” facts that I don’t even know. It is just a really fun Bible.


At what age did you first buy your child a Bible? What are some of your family favorites?

meet: tim & stephanie hawkins

By Tim and Stephanie Hawkins & Karen Brown

I am honored to have a guest post today by Tim & Stephanie Hawkins.  Tim and Stephanie moved to Boston 6 years to start Sojourn Collegiate Ministry the same time our family moved here to launch REUNION.  We have had the priviledge of watching them parent their 4 kids as well as nurture and disciple dozens and dozens of students...both young children and young adults.  Tim is the Director of Sojourn Collegiate Ministry and Stephanie is a preschool teacher at Park Street Kids in downtown Boston.  Tim and Stephanie are one of those couples that you just want to sit down with over coffee and pick their brains about their philosphy on parenting and child rearing.  I asked them recently to give us some insight on what shapes their parenting style and some "best practices" that have worked in their family.

We do not compromise our values when we say that the child is more important than his conduct. Rather we affirm them at their deepest level. We dig down to bedrock and declare what is true. - Hold On To Your Kids, Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate

We were 25 when our first child was born and, over the following six years, we added three more to the clan.  We did not start out with a particular philosophy or guiding vision of raising our kids except the constant prayer, “God, please keep us from screwing this up.”  

It is still our prayer.  And confession.

Though we wouldn’t have defined our parenting philosophy this way, it is a particular phrase in Neufeld and Mate’s book, Hold On to Your Kids, that has helped articulate what we value as a family: 

To compensate for the cultural chaos of our times, we need to make a habit of collecting our children daily and repeatedly until they are old enough to function as independent beings.

We have come to realize that much of what we value as parents are rhythms and practices that help us collect our kids.  And these are a reminder to dig beyond conduct, and affirm them at their deepest level, which for us is how God is shaping them for His Kingdom mission.

These are our favorite collecting places:

Books –Books give us a common language to talk about redemptive themes and the Kingdom of God.  We read a wide variety of books that broaden our perspective on the world and what God is doing in it.  Most recently we have been reading, Same Kind of Different as Me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.

Allowance - We give our kids allowance every two weeks and let them spend it any way they want (as long as it’s legal), including planning ahead for gifts.  Beyond lessons about responsibility, allowance gives us a chance to talk about values and choices.  Our kids have become great gift givers to one another. 

Hospitality – Involving our kids in the preparations and responsibilities for hosting gives them more joy in the relationships they are building.

Travel – Mostly this is about having shared memories and stories to tell.  “Remember when we…”  

Prayer – Not just in the act of praying, but also talking (even just one-on-one) about how God is forming us as individuals through our prayer.  It also allows prayer to bring God into the everyday, as we encounter disappointment, fear, worry, sadness, joy. Prayer is not just a matter of asking God for things, but models formation.  

Storytelling – This happens daily in some way through something as simple as, “So do you want to know what happened to me today?”  Over the years the stories have gotten more entertaining.  Shared laughter strengthens the family bond (it’s the inside joke phenomenon). 

Traditions – Although many of our traditions are associated with holidays, some are as simple as Ebelskiver Saturdays or watching a specific TV show together.  Our traditions are the hands-on application of our family values.

Eating Out – We don’t do this everyday, but about once a week we break from the norm, free ourselves from the preparation and cleaning-up, to have significant time at the table together with nowhere to go and nothing to keep us busy except talking to one another.

Debriefing – Maybe one of the best pieces of advice we received from parents we respected was to, “Debrief everyday.”  When we’re going 6 different directions during the day, it’s important to come re-center at the end of the day.

Thank you Tim & Stephanie for sharing your wisdom and insight!  Parenting is the hardest job there is and you do it with such thoughtfulness,  patience, and grace.

family rules

By Karen Brown

I came across this awesome, amazing, totally adorable “Family Rules” poster via the blog Whatever. I may have squealed in delight, I love it that much.

from Alexander Creative

Of course, the ones Ryan Alexander has in his shop have beautiful sayings that really ring true. But, you can also customize one for your own family with your own rules or family mission statement or whatever you like. I may have to revisit the book Three Big Questions for Frantic Families and get our family mission statement on paper just so I can have one of these made. It's a book I highly recommend...review coming soon.

He also has artwork for marriage and kids and just some other cool sayings like this “What Defines Us” subway art print. These would make great gifts.

from Alexander Creative

And if you head over to Whatever, she has a giveaway for a free print. Love me a good giveaway!

Do you have a family mission statement? What does it include?

Embrace The Camera

By Karen Brown

Hey moms out there...do you take pictures of yourself with your kids? I know you take pictures of the kiddos, but what about YOU with them? Novel concept, I know. If you are like me, you don’t shy away from documenting your kids and all their happenings. You even have quite a few pictures of the kids with their daddy...at least on outings and special occasions. But as for pics with the mommy, those are a rare.

I have so many excuses for why I’m not in the shot. Someone has to actually take the picture, I didn’t get to shower today, we all have such cheesy smiles when we have to pose the picture...the list goes on. But, after reading this post this post on embracing the camera, I am inspired actually get in a few pictures with my kids and see how it goes.

I want my family to remember our times together as they grow up. I want them to remember that we were silly together, went on adventures together and cuddled on the couch together. I want them to remember that our family wasn’t always picture perfect (because that’s real life), but that we loved each other a lot!

Here are some quick tips for getting in the picture:

• Try the self-timer on your camera
• Shoot a picture into the mirror, or anything reflective, for that matter. Hold the camera waist-high if you can.
• Hold the camera over your head, or out in front of you
• Give the camera to someone else, dare I say a kid, if you have to
• If you have a Mac, try Photobooth

And if you’re still need some encouragement to jump behind the lens, read this and see if it doesn’t change your mind!

Someone else took this one of me and Aiden. 

Miles and I shot this one ourselves.

And someone else took this one of me and Owen.

Reunion in the DR

The REUNION team is back from their trip to the Dominican Republic.  Enjoy their story in pictures!


REUNION | Dominican Republic 2011 from Gerald on Vimeo.

Noonday

By Karen Brown

You’ve heard about Fair Trade, right? It’s the system of paying farmers a fair price for things we use every day, like coffee, tea and sugar. It’s such an awesome initiative and one that we try to support as much as possible. I’ve often wished, though, that more products had that Fair Trade label. What about clothes and shoes, or things for our home, or even toys for the kids?

I stumbled upon the Noonday website recently. It sells Fair Trade jewelry, scarves, bags, sandals, home décor and other gifts. It’s a company started by a husband and wife after a visit to Uganda. They wanted to adopt a baby from there and brought home some locally made crafts to sell to help pay for their costly adoption. Their story is a beautiful one; you can read about it here. I especially love how they came up with the name for their company:

When you satisfy the needs of the oppressed, your night will become like the noonday. Isaiah 58:10

The items in their store are beautiful. Many of these would make really lovely gifts. Here are some that caught my eye.

Kampana with Love necklace $38

Tague seed bracelet $28

Patchwork Clutch $34

Salad servers $24

Wouldn’t it be awesome if our kids grew up knowing what Fair Trade was? If, over dinner, we talked about oppression and treating each other fairly? If we had conversations about how they could be vehicles for change in our world?

Do you shop Fair Trade? What are your favorite website, stores or products?

Grandparent's Day

By Karen Brown

Did you even know there was such a day? A recent trip to the card store enlightened me to the holiday this Sunday, September 11. 

Here's the story: 

“Back in 1970, Marian McQuade, a West Virginia housewife, came up with the idea of a day set aside to encourage families to visit their elderly relatives. With a firm resolve to make it happen, she began lobbying policymakers. McQuade got through to her Senators, Jennings Randolph and Robert Byrd, who introduced a resolution to make Grandparents Day a national holiday. It took a while to reach the White House, but finally, in 1978, the resolution declaring National Grandparents Day as the first Sunday after Labor Day, was signed into law by President Jimmy Carter.” Read more here.

I wish our children lived close enough to their grandparents to visit them for Grandparent’s Day. Since we don’t, we’ll be sending our sentiments across the miles. I imagine the kids will make some handmade cards, but here are some ideas from around the web that might be fun to add to our package.

Embroidered pillow found via One Pretty Thing

image from Vickie Howell

I love the idea of having the kids draw a picture of a favorite memory with their grandparents and then embroidering their design. If a pillow isn’t your style, this would be really cute on a tea towel.

Silhouettes found via Design Sponge  

image courtesy of Design Sponge

I love this modern take on traditional silhouettes. This would be a fun alternative to a portrait of the kids.

My favorite idea of all though would be to start a new tradition to celebrate with this generation; something my children will remember for years to come. Maybe we’ll talk the grandparents through how to set up a Skype account and then set up a time to talk each week. Or maybe we’ll have each of the children pick a topic and then ask grandpa and grandma to tell them a story about when they were growing up -  going to school, living on a farm, favorite family vacation, etc.

Do you celebrate Grandparents’ Day? Does your family have any special traditions to honor grandparents?

Creation: Preschool Style

by Karen Brown

Around here, this week is back-to-school week. While my two oldest will be gone all day, I will be trying to come up with ideas to keep my little guy engaged and learning.

When my other two were preschoolers, one of the things I did that they absolutely loved was assign themes to each week. We then planned activities accordingly to reinforce what I was trying to teach. We started with a week loosely based on each day of creation. 

So for example, when we were talking about ocean animals God made we: visited the aquarium, went to the beach and saw baby sea turtles, glued seashells together and added googlie eyes to make our own “animals”, drew pictures of animals in the ocean with crayons and then painted over with watercolors, the kids earned ocean animal silly bands for good behavior, painted wood sea creatures from the dollar section at Michael’s, checked out books from the library on sea creatures and we may have watched Finding Nemo a few times. The emphasis was always on who made the animals, “Kids, who made this Loggerhead turtle? Yes, God made the turtle!”

Other ideas for weeks could be:

Day 1: Earth, Day & Night
• Shadow play with flashlights 

• Glow-in-the-dark paint
• Homemade sand playdough 

Day 2: Skies with Water Below
• Talk about the globe or play with globe “beach balls”
• Water play (we made a pvc “water park”), water ballons, go swimming
• Lay on your back and make animals out of the clouds 

Day 3: Sea, Grass, Plants & Trees
• Trip to the plant nursery or arboretum
• Apple or berry picking at an orchard
• Leaf rubbings
• Rake & jump in the leaves
• Plant wheat grass indoors & watch it sprout in just a few days

Day 4: Sun, Moon & Stars
• Phases of the moon chart
• Rhymes like “I see the moon & the moon sees me”
• Make constellations on the ceiling with glow in the dark stars

Day 5: Birds & Sea Creatures
• Visit a petstore and check out the fish and birds up close
• Visit the aquarium or the tidepools
• Art using craft feathers
• Go fishing

Day 6: Land Animals & People

• Trace the outline of the kid’s bodies, make handprint art
• Trip to the zoo
• Bake cookies with gingerbread men shaped cookie cutters & decorate
• Check out animals books from the library or the video series Planet Earth

This way of teaching your kids is really only limited by your creativity and imagination. Have fun with it and don’t take yourself too seriously.

What are your favorite ways to teach your children?

The “Great Sin” of Pride

By Nicholle Winger

Why do we put down our kids?

Is that a rough way to start this post? Perhaps you’re sitting there wondering where this is going.

Maybe you’ve never let words slip out that you wished you could take back. But I doubt it. This weekend, I overheard criticism toward a child several times, by a mom, a grandma, a dad. It really annoyed me. I noticed the child looked sad when told he was eating too much junk food. Another time, he played along and made fun of himself by grabbing his belly. The offending parties weren’t trying to be mean. No, I think they were attempting to be instructive. In their hearts, they thought they were teaching. I know they love this child. They don’t want him to overeat. They don’t want him to be made fun of at school. They want him to be healthy, active, and happy. But does the child know that? I remember feeling like that growing up. My mom would say something that hurt my feelings, usually related to how much I was eating and the way my body looked. It probably sounded harmless and helpful to her ears,

“If you stand up straighter, your tummy wouldn’t stick out so much.”

“Your skin would look so much nicer if you’d wear more makeup.”

“You know bagels have a lot of carbs. Maybe you should choose fruit.”

Did I think my mom loved me? Sure, I guess. I also knew I wasn’t good enough.

This is along the same lines of what I heard said to a little boy last weekend. It made me mad. It made me recall what my mom had said to me and, consequently, feel sorry for myself for a minute. But then I started to wonder, “Do I do this too? Does it bother me so much because I do it in my life?”

I realized this all relates back to the immense problem of pride. In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis claims pride as the “the great sin” and goes on to describe it as, “…no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.” No. I would never hurt my kids with words. Would I? It made me think.

Sometimes when people compliment my kids, I feel the need to qualify it with something my child does bad. The exchange might go something like this,

“Wow, Sally reads well. What a smart little girl.”

I could say, “Thank you.”

Instead, I say, “Yes, she does like to read. She’s also extremely dramatic. We deal with a lot of tears in our house.”

(Insert a sigh here that conveys I’m such a tired, hard-working mom.)

What does this say about me? Surely my response has something to do with my issues and not my daughter’s. What did that exchange sound like to my daughter’s ears? How many times have I said it? Am I damaging her? I don’t mean to. I do want her to toughen up. I do want her to be a strong teenager one day and then a tough woman. I think I’m instructing/teaching, but really am I labeling/wounding?

I think back to that boy from last weekend. Shouldn’t we be asking why he’s eating so much? Maybe there is a reason. Maybe he’s hungry. Maybe he’s sad. If we look closer, we might find that this little boy is going through some tough stuff at home. Is he over eating because it comforts him? I don’t know. I’m not a psychologist. But why don’t we ask these questions instead of jumping in and pointing our well-meaning fingers? Why do I roll my eyes and call my daughter dramatic instead of asking her what is causing her to cry and overreact? Maybe it’s me. Or maybe she’s just having a rough day. It’s worth a shot. At least she would feel heard and know that I love her regardless. If I don’t stop to listen now, will she talk to me when she gets older?

The tendency to criticize our children without listening or asking can also be tied back to pride. Lewis goes on later and writes, “As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

As a mom, a big chunk of my day is spent instructing, teaching, directing, and disciplining. If I’m looking down on my children to do these things (admittedly, they are shorter than me for now), I better be sure to check in with God first. I bet His way is better than mine.

meet kelly hubert, part 2

Read more about Kelly in Part 1 of our series.
Here's the rest of her interview. Enjoy!

If you had a short list of must-read books, what would they be? 
Holding onto Hope, by Nancy Guthrie. This is a sad yet inspiring story about the struggles of losing a child. The author relates her journey to that of Job’s. It brought perspective to my situation and encouraged me to stand by what I believe in.

Where do you find inspiration and encouragement for raising your family? 
This may sound very strange, but I find a lot of my inspiration and encouragement from other families who are going through difficult or scary times with their own children. Having an unspoken understanding of what someone is going through is comforting to me. I’m the type of person who wants to make everything okay for everyone. When I hear a story of a family experiencing difficult time, it inspires me to want to better our foundation in hopes of helping someone else out.

I also find a lot of encouragement when I see other’s generosity. It’s not always monetary generosity; it’s the generosity of other’s encouraging words that inspires me to keep doing what we are doing. It’s hard to always know what to say to someone who is going through a difficult time. When people offer kind words or share that they are praying for Liv and my family, I’m extremely touched. There are a lot of really good people in this world who want to help others. When people give time, money, or encouragement, I’m deeply touched and humbled.

Are there any family traditions that you embrace that are especially meaningful to you? 
Family gatherings are always important to us. We love to celebrate birthdays and holidays with our families. We live about 3 hours away from our immediate family, so any time we get together it really means a lot. Something that I’m very excited about is homemade Christmas. This is something that is brand new in our family, but I hope it carries on from year to year. For the adult gift giving, we typically buy a male and female gift. We then draw numbers, and choose gifts, with the option of taking one that has already been opened. This past year, the ladies chose to do homemade gifts. The same process of drawing numbers and taking other people’s open gifts remained, but getting something homemade was so special. We have talented women on both sides of my family, so getting something from any of them is a true gift! It was so much fun and so memorable!

Tell us about your spiritual formation. 
My spiritual formation is going to sound so typical and an answer that probably everyone gives. My spiritual formation has been nothing but growth. I say that because, when I was younger, I didn’t really feel comfortable in church. I just didn’t know my place. I was afraid to ask questions and, at one time, didn’t feel welcome. It wasn’t until I was married that I felt like I had direction and focus with my spiritual formation. Jake has really been who I’ve leaned on when growing in my faith. The church that we attend now has also really helped in my understanding and growth.

My children are still so young that we haven’t had to answer any questions from them, yet. I try to teach my kids how important it is to thank our Lord for the blessings in our life. Livia definitely knows what prayer, church, and the Bible are. Finley is now starting to say some of the prayers that we say to her; she’ll even remind us to pray at dinner before we eat. Making prayer a part of our routine has helped with teaching our girls to put God first in whatever we do.