Give: Love Letters To Strangers

By Erin Glabets

Imagine writing a love letter to someone you’ve never met. A note telling someone that they’re not alone, that they’re special, and that they’re loved. Think of the hope it could bring to someone suffering from sickness, relational heartbreak, or just plain solitude.

The World Needs More Love Letters, a recently launched online community, is trying to do just that. It was started by Hannah Brencher, a twenty-something who began writing letters to strangers as a way to find hope and healing from her own pain. In her own words: “We are on a mission to spread more love letters out into a world that so desperately needs them. Through writing, leaving and mailing love letters, we are learning to turn our words into lanterns to light the paths of others.”

The group encourages others to write inspiring notes, package them in a way that they can’t be ignored, and leave them in places---like books, coffee shops, trains---where people will be compelled to pick them up.

More Love Letters also mails a bundle of letters every month to someone who’s especially in need of the hope and encouragement; they are building an e-mail list of writers who want to be part of that mission, too.

It’s just about to finish up an awesome 12-day Christmastime push for love letter writing (I just discovered More Love Letters days ago, so I’m a bit late in telling you about it.)

Each day from December 5 to December 17th, they’ve been featuring one special recipient, and they give you a week to mail your letter for that person to their headquarters. Those recipients include Anthony (recently lost the love of his life to cancer), Julia (a seven-year-old battling cancer), and Josie and Hannah (sisters dealing with their parents’ divorce). Writers have a week to get their letters in the mail---so you if you're interested, you still have time to write to some of the recipients featured in the past few days.

I think writing love letters is an incredible way to celebrate the “giving more” aspect of Advent Conspiracy. This week my community group studied the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke and discussed what it means to be a true neighbor to someone. Writing one of these love letters strikes me as a way to be a neighbor to someone you’ve never met and never will meet. It feels a bit silly and even scary to communicate to a stranger in this way, but I love the challenge of it.

Photo from moreloveletters.com/blog 

I hope to dig deeper into the story of Hannah Brencher and More Love Letters soon, so check back. In the meantime here are some ways you can get involved:

• Check out the More Love Letters blog for some of the people you can reach out to with love letters during this these last couple of days of the Christmas campaign. Commit to writing them here.

• Check out the group’s Love Letter Writing 101. And its do’s and dont’s. (Hints: don’t actually make them romantic and mushy or don’t try to give advice. Do tell your story honestly and get creative.)

• Pull out some homemade stationery and write! Invite friends over and make it a party where you can all do it together. Do it with your families and kids. Leave them in places where people will find them. And take pictures to document the experience.

•Join the subscriber list to be part of future love letter writing bundles.

Photo from moreloveletters.com/blog 

Things I Try Not To Say To My Kids (And More Truthful Things I Say Instead)

By Katharine Grubb

Moms, we have a powerful weapon at our disposal: our words. We all know the painful things that were said to us as children, some even by our parents. We all know that words can leave a permanent, painful reminder of how we have failed or how hard life is.

I’m not perfect, but I want to think long-term about how my words affect my children.
This is a list of things I try not to say to my kids and the more truthful things I say instead.

I’m always going to be there for you. This isn’t true. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to forget to pick them up from soccer practice. I’m going to misunderstand them. Sometimes I’m going to shoot first and ask questions later. And, even though this is morbid, I can’t control exactly how long I’ll live. I’d rather say, I’m going to give you my best.

You can do anything. Also, not true. My daughter will probably never play for the NFL. My son might not get to fly into outer space. And the chances of me having a future president in my home right now are pretty slim. Instead I say this, God has given you some amazing gifts and he’s got some great plans for you. Let’s trust him for your future.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Sounds like an innocent question, but I think it can subtly send a message to kids (especially sensitive over-thinkers like me) that your job is your identity. Instead, I ask, How can I help you be more like Jesus?

You are going to college. Realistically speaking, college isn’t for everyone. I’d rather work with my child to figure out the best path, not just the assumed path, for him after high school. This decision will be based on his specific strengths and passions and not the once-valuable prestige of a college education. And I’m not so sure I’m willing to fork over $30K a year for my daughter to be a professional puppeteer. Instead, I say, God has a perfect plan for you.

You owe me. Boy, I hate it when moms, especially moms of adults, remind their children of their difficult pregnancies, days of labor, C-sections, dirty diapers, etc. This totally communicates to the child that the hard work wasn’t worth it and that mom is expecting some sort of payback. No, we love unconditionally. We, as mothers, should have low expectations of our children, even as adults! Then, when they do bless us and care for us, and eventually return the favor of the whole diaper-changing thing, we can truly be grateful.

I am ashamed of you. Honestly, I have felt this way about my children’s behavior. But I try not to communicate shame. Instead, I try to use my words to express forgiveness and reconciliation; at some moments it’s easier than others. This doesn’t mean they don’t get punished for their sins. This just means that my acceptance of them as a person isn’t threatened. Instead, I say, We all make mistakes. I forgive you.

You are so pretty. This is a hard one to reign in. I have three beautiful daughters and I want them to be confident with their looks, but I don’t want them to be so caught up with their appearance that they neglect their character. Instead I say, What makes you beautiful is that your inside matches your outside.

Anything negative about Daddy. Daddy and I don’t always agree. Sometimes we can work out our differences out of earshot from the kids, sometimes we can’t. But I believe that if my kids detect any negative vibe from me about Daddy, then their inner security is threatened. Instead I need to vent in a private way, forgive Daddy, express unity and allow the kids to see us make-up.

Let’s take our words seriously, moms. Pray over what you can change about your words and practice saying the graceful and uplifting.

Sharing the Gift of Giving

By Karen Brown 

When we started participating in Advent Conspiracy a few years ago, we shared the concept with our parents.  They were originally less than excited about toning down the gift giving, but they eventually embraced the idea and made it their own in a really cool way. 

They still wanted to spend what they had budgeted on the kids, but wanted to be able to give the kids the experience of “giving more” and “loving all."  Here’s what they came up with.  They took their budgeted gift amount and “tithed” a portion to the kids in cash.  The kids then took their envelopes of cash and were able to give away the money from Grandpa and Grandma.

I love the idea of the kids being engaged with their grandparents in blessing others.  It opens up doors for conversations about the impoverished and invites dialogue on what it looks like to love others with the resources we have.  Our kids ended up buying animals for a family though World Vision.  Here are some other great ideas for kids; many of the websites have great videos the kids can watch as well.  (Consider previewing them first to make sure they are age-appropriate.)

•Samaritan’s Purse: livestock, sporting gear, help build a school

 Photo from Samaritan's Purse

•Living Water: fresh water wells so children can attend school

 Photo from Living Water International

•Compassion International: child sponsorship

•A local homeless shelter or food pantry

How do you invite your children into giving cheerfully? 

Welcome Baby Jesus

By Katharine Grubb

In the spirit of keeping the Advent season simple and meaningful, I am delighted to share with you, Welcome Baby Jesus: Advent and Christmas Reflections for Families by Sarah Reinhard

The author says on the first page, "Advent is a season almost forgotten by the secular world. You’ll find Advent calendars, but they are simply an adornment for the “Christmas Season,” which begins sometime after Halloween and ends on Christmas Day."

This simple, whimsically illustrated book goes through the days of Advent with easy discussion, simple readings and practical application of what it means to worship Jesus in the Advent season. I found this book to be easy to follow and full of grace. It has the perfect combination of theology, practical living and excitement for my little ones. I find myself scrambling for Advent resources about December 5th, and what I like about this book is that I can pick it up at any point and still get a lot out of it. I want my Advent season to be full of meaning for my children, and I’m grateful for easy resources like this one.

The author continues, "After all your presents have been opened and the decorations put away, we still have a Baby who changed the world and who is, at the heart of it, the biggest reason for our celebration. Everything else is secondary to the arrival of our Messiah."

Amen! Come, Lord Jesus to my home this Advent Season!

ruffled welcome

By Marianna Whitson

This wreath has been pinned on my Pinterest board for quite some time, so I was excited to actually make it.  I originally found it on Design*Sponge and thought it looked really cute.

Since we're making an effort to spend more time with people this year (and less on gifts), I thought it would be fun to add a new Christmas decoration to our home.  A fun welcome for people when they arrive for dinner (or drinks or a football viewing).

Felt again for this project. The tutorial called for 2.5 yds (!) of felt, but I think I only ended up using about 2 yards.  I guess it depends on how full you want your wreath.  And I had what I thought was a great idea to add some wintry blues to the all-white wreath, which ended up being, as my husband put it, "a little too crafty." And I agreed, so you'll noticed that the blue disappears by the end of the project.

This project was a definitely more expensive than the felt garland, but not crazy; I was able to get the felt on sale, too.  You'll need the felt (2-2.5 yards), pins (enough for each circle which turns out is A LOT!), a 12" styrofoam wreath, scissors, circle template, pencil (i used a disappearing fabric marker) and a scrap of ribbon.  I made it in about 3 sittings, and it seems like it took a really long time, but easy, kind of mindless work.  It would also be an easy project for older kids to help with since there's mainly tracing and cutting involved.

First, I created my circle template out of an empty cereal box. I wanted something more substantial than paper, but not as heavy as cardboard.  I used a random candle stick base to trace a ~3" circle onto the paperboard and then cut it out.  Easy peasy.

After that, it was on to the circle tracing.  I folded my fabric in half so that there'd be 2 pieces for every circle I traced and cut.  I did the tracing several rows at a time and then cut them out.  Traced a few rows and then cut.  It was better for my tired hands to vary it at least a little.  Once it seemed like I had a decent amount - aka towers and towers of wobbling felt circles - I decided to start pinning them onto the wreath.  I didn't want to waste supplies and time and effort cutting out more circles than I needed.  Plus, again, it would give my hands something different to do.  

Each circle is folded in half once (to make a semi-circle) and then in half again.  You stick the pin through the bottom corner to make the "rosettes."  I wasn't really sure how to arrange them on the wreath, but I just sort of eyeballed it as I went.  Once I had a batch pinned in, I went back and fluffed them a little, moving and re-arranging where necessary.  

It turns out that the towers and towers of felt circles only covered about half the wreath...back to tracing and cutting and pinning (repeat repeat repeat).  Once I made it all the way around, I gave it a once-over again, fluffing, moving, re-pinning.  



For the hanger, I originally just cut a strip of felt instead of using ribbon, but decided that ribbon would probably be sturdier.  And seeing as the wreath is a snowy white, I didn't want it falling onto our dirty porch.  So I replaced the short felt strip with some scrap ribbon I had leftover from another project (you can't see it so it doesn't matter what color it is - mine is pink!).  One thing I did do was make sure that the 2 pins holding the ribbon into the wreath were angled up when I pushed them into the foam, just in case they were thinking about popping out, it seemed slightly more secure that way.

Whew!  Turned out pretty cute if I do say so.  One other thing that I thought would be cool to try is an ombre color shift...but that's probably a little ambitious!

YOU ARE NEITHER MARTHA STEWART NOR MRS. CLAUS: How To Keep The Holiday Season Simple With Infants and Toddlers

By Katharine Grubb

I was eight months pregnant and suffering from hypertension but where was I three weeks before Christmas? At Jo-Ann Fabric, buying supplies to handmake my daughters, then ages three and two, the perfect gifts for Christmas. And I didn’t even sew. The cashier asked me what I was doing and I told her. She frowned and said, “You put all this back. Those babies don’t need another toy. They need you. Take care of yourself, Mama. You don’t have to have the perfect Christmas.”

I didn’t follow her advice. After all, she was just a nosy busybody. But I should have. I should have not tried so hard to make Christmas special (for toddlers who wouldn’t remember it anyway) and just concentrated on making it a simple celebration for my growing family. I was, after all, not Martha Stewart. So I didn’t need to try to be.

It’s very exciting to have the magical season around us, especially when we finally have a family of our own. But if we have high expectations, then we’re setting ourselves up for stress, burnout and probably a crying jag. Which isn’t at all why Baby Jesus came to earth in the first place.

And before you get in over your head with a sewing project, or find yourself on bedrest, rethink your Christmas expectations and maybe follow this advice instead? I am sure your holiday season will be the happier for it.

1. Stick to the basics. Isn’t Christmas, at its essence, a time for family, gifts and a meaningful experience? Ask yourself how you can define this in the simplest terms around the basic needs of your family. For example, your family needs to eat breakfast, but they don’t need gingerbread waffles on Christmas morning, especially if you’re opening gifts and then driving to Gramma’s four hours away.

2. Don’t start a mega tradition. Now that you have your own family, it’s tempting to think that you are instantly transformed into that Mrs. Claus-like matriarch. You aren’t. The best, most meaningful traditions are the ones that grow organically out of your own family’s needs from year to year. Ours include making gorgonzola mashed potatoes and having funny name tags on the gifts. These traditions came out of our experiences and personalities and they look nothing like my mother’s or grandmother’s traditions. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

3. Keep things simple. With little ones, the abstract idea of Jesus can be hard to grasp. Toddlers can understand “Baby Jesus’ birthday” or “Christmas is about love”. As they grow up, add to this in ways they can understand.

4. Beware of over-stimulation. If a child is over-tired, and has eaten too much sugar, and stayed up too late, don’t expect them to be on their best behavior when the relatives drop by.

5. Discuss your plans early. Communicate early and often with spouses, extended family and friends about what you can and can’t do this year. And then stick to your plan.

6. Gain perspective. The holidays come every year. Your child has a lifetime of traditions and activities and events to enjoy with you. You don’t have to make this year the biggest, busiest and brightest. Next year may be easier to do more, but even if it is not, understand that you’ll have many more Christmases in the future.

7. Say no. If you ever get caught feeling guilty for what you didn’t do around the holidays, then you’re pleasing the wrong people. You are the mom. You get to set the tone for the holidays for your family. You know everyone’s limitations and needs. You can say no to invitations, expectations, or over-the-top events.

Peace on earth starts with you. With planning, low expectations and an understanding of what your family really needs, you can have a Holly Jolly Christmas that everyone can enjoy.

And then, you can make that homemade toy for Valentine’s Day! 

advent conspiracy: the book

By Karen Brown

Image from Amazon

REUNION has been participating in Advent Conspiracy for three years now. Our community has been transformed by this movement - challenged, inspired and forever changed. We are trying to be intentional about keeping Christmas what it should be, a celebration of Jesus’ birth. We are embracing the concepts of worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all. 

I recently read the book, Advent Conspiracy by Rick McKinley, Chris Sea and Greg Holder. It was a quick read and good refresher as we head into the holiday season. I love the way the book unpacks how Christmas can still change the world. It lays out how we can redeem Christmas from the consumerism that has come to define the holiday. How we can choose to not participate in all the excess, an excess of food, gifts, overspending...all of it. How the most important gifts we can give are relational gifts and the gift of our presence. We have an inherent need to be with each other that is often fractured in our hurried and overscheduled lives. It talks in depth about loving the poor and the marginalized. That is how Jesus lived his life and He calls us to do the same.

This year we conspire to celebrate Advent year round. To wrestle with how our worship can permeate all seasons and how love and generosity can define us. When you think about it, it really is so simple. Simple acts with profound impact.

Will you conspire with us? How has Advent Conspiracy changed your family?