By Katharine Grubb
I’ve brought five of them home from the hospital, so I know that babies change everything. Before I was a mother, I wasn’t all that concerned about dryness. And I never calculated actual hours slept during my daily morning ritual. I knew with my first daughter, that things would be different. What I didn’t know that the most profound difference was in how I would change. If I knew then, what I know now, I might have never left the hospital. But if I knew then, what I know now, then I’d see that my new responsibilities made me more like Jesus.
If I could go back to the overwhelmed and intimidated new mother I was in 1998 and tell her what I was going to be in 2012, this is what I would say:
1. I’M WAY MORE ORGANIZED
Despite the lengthy tirade I ignited on Facebook about the problem with 10-year-old-boys and the Sunday morning clean-jeans-with-holey-knees vs. dirty-jeans-without-holes issue, my household is generally run like a finely tuned machine. But it has taken years to work out the kinks of cleaning, cooking and general managing---and even then it’s not perfect. (And props to me for doing this long before Pinterest was around.)
2. I’M WAY MORE DISCIPLINED
I was told, as a naive college student, that I would never have as much time for myself as I did right then. Of course, I laughed at this. I wish I understood, many years ago, that there would come a time when my biggest personal goal was reading a book that didn’t have a princess in it. To find time, over the years I’ve developed disciplined habits to meet everybody’s needs. And I’m happy to say, that as my kids are getting older, I’m finding my me time is growing.
3. I’M SHOCKED AT HOW GIVING I AM
Oh, I’m still selfish, but in those moments when I give my child the last piece of toast that I wanted, or I gladly surrender a writing project for the sake of sitting at a doll’s “birthday party,” I wonder, "who have I become?" I wasn’t always like this. My kids are making me die to myself. This is a good thing.
4. I’M WAY MORE COMPASSIONATE
Now that I’m a mother, the stakes are higher. There are very real threats in the world against my family, like disease, crime, financial collapse, and freakish acts of nature. As a result, I’m more attuned to suffering of those who have not have been as blessed as I have. I empathize far more readily with bad days and skinned knees and the tragic world. My heart is breaking more and more for the things that breaks the heart of God and because of this, I can teach my children how to be compassionate.
5. I’M WAY MORE PROTECTIVE
Just ask the Kirby salesman who came to my door and wouldn’t take my no for an answer---I can be a real mean Momma Bear. I didn’t know, until that day, what it would take for me to get out my “claws” and protect my family. While I cringe over most of that story, I’m very proud of the fact that I stood firm. I didn’t back down. I protected my family from what I perceived as a threat. I have a confidence now I didn’t have before. Don’t mess with me, I’m a MOM!
6. I’M WAY MORE SELF-AWARE
Wanna intimidate a new mom? Tell her that all of her bad habits will be passed down to her children. Oh boy. I have found this to be true in my own children. As a result, I try to be aware of my own bad habits, my tones of voice and my own impatience. I try, try, try to always speak and behave in the way that Jesus does, but I often fail. This idea, that more is caught that taught---has changed me to realize how influential I am. And as a result of this . . .
7. I’M WAY MORE HUMBLE
If we aren’t humble enough when we have children, then God allows them to learn to talk and say things to others in public that make us want to hide under a rock. But even if that didn’t happen, I would find myself running to God frequently and whimpering, “I can’t do this. Help me!” I once read a blog called Clutching the Hem of His Garment, and I asked myself, why am I, like the writer of this blog, always in a place of desperation and neediness? Then I knew my answer. Is there really any better place to be?
8. I’M WAY MORE SKILLED
One of my childless friends asked me, “Can you teach me to cook?” I said, “Sure,” (and then my response wasn’t all that graceful). I said, “Step one. Get married. Step two. Choose to live frugally, making everything from scratch for every meal for the next sixteen years. Then you’ll know how to cook.” Motherhood has forced me to do hard things, like cooking, and be patient with myself and persevere through failure. Now, I know how to do many things I didn’t know how to do before. But I should probably work on being nicer when people ask me a question.
9. I’M WAY MORE COURAGEOUS
The first time I ever drove in Boston, was when I took my newborn to her first pediatric appointment. I drove from East Boston, through the tunnel, down Storrow Drive to Brighton, in a horrendous downpour. I was terrified. But it had to be done and I was the mother. Since then there have been many more scary incidents. This is one of the hardest parts of being a mother---being in charge when hell seems to break loose---but God has always shown me what to do and held me fast, so I don’t panic or give into my fear. Most of the time.
10. I’M WAY MORE DETERMINED
There are people in my life who have said, “there are no guarantees in life, so why try? Or, “homeschooling is way too hard, why don’t you do something easier?” Or, “you can’t.” Nothing gets me going than to have my vision for home and family criticized by others. You say I can’t? I say, “watch me.” When it was just me I worried about, I never had this much gumption, but then I often too easily believed what I was told. Not now. Now, I’m a mother!
11. I’M WAY MORE CREATIVE
This is my favorite part of being a mother---coming up with the stories to keep my children happy during a car trip, or coming up with a game that helps us pick up our toys, or making up a song about spring, or creating a Lord of the Rings birthday party on a budget. (Not to mention coming up with nutritious meals when there aren’t a whole lot of groceries in the house.) I love being able to give my creative self to those around me. I may never be famous for my creativity---but I’ve given it to the people I love the most and our home is happier for it.
12. I’M MORE CONFIDENT
I don’t go around with a cape calling myself Super Mom. But I do go around reminding myself that God is at work in me to make me strong and capable. There are plenty of areas to work on, but because I am a mother, I have done things and conquered things and savored things that I never thought I would. I am thankful for not only those little babies that came home from the hospital with me, but for Jesus who has used them to make me more like Him every single day.
What about you? How has God changed you since becoming a mom? What has surprised you about yourself?
